Sexual abuse: from denial to support

Foreword A relationship with a sexual dimension involving a minor ¹ is one of the rare taboos in matters of sexual ethics in contemporary Western societies. The unanimous agreement is all the more striking since other eras had a different moral judgment on this type of relationship. Thus, ancient Greece valued pederasty in an educational context: the relationship with an older lover was supposed to lead the pubescent boy to greater maturity and virtue ² . The current unanimous condemnation of relationships involving minors can be seen as one of the vestiges of the biblical theology of marriage and its restriction of the licit exercise of sexuality within the framework of the marital relationship, therefore of a stable relationship between two adults. consenting. Unfortunately, we see that unanimous stigmatization does not lead to the disappearance of the practice. Despite the ethical agreement, it remains necessary to look into the question. And this is all the more so since strong emotion is not enough to produce effective prevention – or restorative care when the damage is done. The Christian is concerned, like any citizen, by the problem. At the same time, some of the specificities of its positioning highlight the relevance of a truly Christian reflection on this subject:

• No biblical text specifically addresses child sexual abuse ³ . Leviticus (18:6-18) deals at length with incest in all its forms and classifies them among the “abominations”, because of which “the land has vomited out its inhabitants”. No member of the chosen people, nor any immigrant should engage in such practices (vv. 25-26). Furthermore, the restriction of the legitimate practice of sexuality to marriage leaves no doubt about the biblical condemnation of a relationship with a sexual dimension that would involve a child. The Christian therefore joins without restriction the unanimously accepted condemnation. But the argumentative path that leads there is not exactly the same, and it is to be expected that the broader context of biblical sexual ethics will have repercussions on the consideration of the phenomenon.
• If the theme is very present in the media, the same can hardly be said of the teaching in Churches or in theological schools ⁴ . Certainly, sexual abuse affects the privacy of the most vulnerable. It is advisable to show great delicacy when approaching it. The suffering is too deep, the survival mechanisms put in place by the victims are too fragile. Do not be surprised by strong reactions when the barrier of silence is broken. Without competent care, the outcome can be even more devastating ⁵ . However, repression and denial are not solutions either. They prolong, by adding to it, the suffering caused by the abuse. In this area also applies the maxim that “it is the truth that sets you free” (Jn 8:32). However, it is better to find out about the typical psychological mechanisms of trauma ⁶ , to become aware of the principles necessary for beneficial support ⁷ , to acquire clear biblical references, before tackling a theme as existentially charged as 'sexual abuse. This will not protect against all errors and failures, but will help us to avoid at least the most severe errors, so as not to add to the suffering suffered.
• Despite the presence of the theme in media discourse, great uncertainties persist when abuse actually arises in our lives. What are the warning signs of an abusive relationship? How to react when you suspect it in those around you, or even in your own family? These questions concern every citizen – remember the legal obligation to report any suspicion of abuse when a minor is in potential danger ⁸ . But they are all the more important for those who are responsible for minors, whether at school, in a leisure center or at Church (Sunday school instructor, teenager club leader). , catechist, etc.). As those who look after children in our Churches have often, unfortunately, received little training, the responsibility of the pastor or elders is increased. The strong societal condemnation could also have the (unintentional) effect of reinforcing the difficulty in thinking about sexual abuse, and therefore contributing to denial when faced with warning signs.
• The attention that Jesus paid to children – which contrasted with the habits of his time (Luke 18.15-17) – constitutes a powerful incentive for the Christian to look into everything that could harm them. He remembers his Master's solemn warning: "If anyone were to offend one of these little ones who believe in me, it would be advantageous for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and that “we drown him at the bottom of the sea” (Mt 18.6) ⁹ . When the surrounding society looks at the abuse of which children are victims, Christians cannot be left out.
• Although the psychological mechanisms of abuse are the same for believers and non-believers – all share the same human nature – specific themes arise in Christian pastoral care. Different convictions clash in evangelical circles on the question of forgiveness: should we forgive unconditionally or only if the attacker asks for forgiveness? How can we apply the biblical command to honor one's father and mother when a parent has been the perpetrator or accomplice of abuse? Where was God when the abuse happened? Why didn't he intervene when people shouted at him? Does the Christian have the right to resort to the judicial authorities of the “world”? So many central questions for good care and which require careful theological-biblical examination ¹⁰ .
• The phenomenon of abuse is very present in pastoral care, as soon as we pay attention to it. Contrary to popular belief, it affects all socio-cultural backgrounds, both non-Christian and Christian. Let's not think that this would only happen to others. However, the mechanisms of denial are so powerful, both on the side of the person being supported and on the side of the support person, that it is easy to miss them. Allow me to evoke here a personal memory. I was called upon to provide spiritual discernment in the face of a conflicting experience. Unwilling (and unable) to play the role of either the judge or the prophet, I endeavored to explore with the person concerned the meaning that this experience had for them. After a long exchange – and without any real transition – she began to tell me about a painful experience she had in her childhood. Just thinking about this situation still makes me shudder. How easy it would have been to bring a well-honed pastoral judgment and to miss the deep roots of the anger expressed, especially since I was under pressure from those around me not to prolong my listening to this person.

Faced with the devastation caused by sexual abuse, the Institut Biblique de Nogent-sur-Marne decided to invite the pastoral leaders of evangelical churches to a day of reflection organized on November 29, 2014 by Pastor Patrice Kaulanjan. This work is the fruit of this first IBN Forum. The various contributions have been reworked to offer the reader an enlightening guide which will help them, we hope, to approach this terrain strewn with pitfalls. It relies on multidisciplinary skills: both exegetical and dogmatic, as well as psychological and judicial. While working on their texts, the authors were aware of dealing with a theme which went far beyond the academic subject: it concerns life journeys in which a tear was inscribed which left harmful traces, often identifiable still decades after the fact. The emotional disorder into which sexual abuse plunges makes calm reflection all the more necessary. To avoid sinking into emotional and relational chaos, we must strive to sharpen our discernment, with the support of the best of the human sciences and the enlightenment of the Word.

For the teaching team of the Institut Biblique de Nogent-sur-Marne LYDIA JAEGER

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1. The expression is deliberately vague to cover the different cases of sexual abuse, which are not limited to the consummate relationship. Dan Allender defines sexual abuse as “any contact or interaction (visual, verbal or psychological) by which an adult uses a child or adolescent for sexual stimulation, whether their own or that of “a third person” ( Torn childhood . Hope for victims of sexual abuse during childhood, Quebec/Lausanne, La Clairière/LLB, 1994, p. 30). 2. Cf. for example the speech of Pausanias, in PLATO, The Symposium 184c-185c. Ibid. 181c, for the clarification that the nobler form of this love does not attach to the youngest boys, but waits "for the age when intelligence begins to develop, that is to say when the beard is "coming" (trans. Victor Cousin, Paris, Pichon and Didier, 1831; http://remacle.org/bloodwolf/philosophes/platon/cousin/banquet.htm, consulted October 16, 2015). 3. Cf. Émile NICOLE, “The rape of Tamar”, p. 13-14 below. 4. A survey (admittedly very limited) to support this observation: the thesaurus of key words used in the library catalog of the Institute of Evangelical Theology (bringing together the Free Faculty of Evangelical Theology in Vaux-surSeine and the Institut Biblique de Nogent-sur-Marne) does not include “abuse” or “mistreatment”. The term that comes closest to it is “incest”. The catalog lists 5 entries (articles and books) that deal with incest (for a total of 77,196 records, as of November 12, 2015). When we review the entries with “abuse” in the title, we can add eight additional records that relate to sexual abuse. (No entry has “mistreatment” in the title.) These figures compare, for example, to 222 entries for “homosexuality,” 59 for “contraception,” and 167 for “divorce.” 5. A high school teacher told us about the suicide of a student, after she had revealed to one of her colleagues the abuse to which she had been a victim. When the repression stops, the horror can be too heavy to bear without adequate support. 6. Cf. Agnès BLOCHER, “Intrafamilial sexual abuse: facing the shock to live again”, p. 25-59 below. 7. Cf. Gladys VESPASIEN and Elvire PIAGET, “Speak or be silent? What support can the Church offer? », p. 73-84 below. 8. Cf. Fabrice DELOMMEL, “Sexual abuse: the judicial aspect”, p. 71, 142-143 below. 9. The expression is certainly not aimed at single children, but at every small and vulnerable believer (cf. Mt 10.42 and 11.25, for a similar usage). Jesus points to a child as a prime example of this category (Mt 18:2-5), so children must be included. 10. Cf. Lydia JAEGER, “Sexual abuse committed against children: theological benchmarks”, p. 97-139 below.