How could adolescents learn to know themselves better and improve their relationships?

Contents

• Welcome to the world of 5 languages
• Getting started How many languages ​​do you speak?
  1. Language of love #1: Empowering words
• 2. Language of Love #2: Quality Time
• 3. Language of Love #3: Gifts
• 4. Language of love no. 4: Services rendered
• 5. Language of Love #5: Physical Touch
• 6. And you?
• 7. Family
• 8. Get angry and ask for forgiveness
• 9. Loving is a choice
• 10. Q&A: Candid Chat with Gary Chapman
• The 5 love languages ​​test

TO START WELL

How many languages ​​do you speak?

Pierre and Émilie seem very happy together, but will it last? It's still too early to tell. For their tenth month of relationship, Émilie made a list of ten things she prefers about Pierre. She made a little notebook filled with thoughtful thoughts and words. She really gave her all to this project. Pierre, for his part, found ten small objects that recalled ten of the best moments they had spent together and gave them to her. He had found, among other things, a football jersey, a pair of ceramic chopsticks, a pebble from their walk on the beach and a bar of his favorite chocolate for the hike. Pierre had thought a lot and had invested in finding these ten gifts. And yet both were disappointed. Do you see their mistake? Emilie's language is that of affirming words: she had therefore expressed her love for Pierre with words and affirming words. Conversely, it is the gifts that matter to Pierre: in fact, he had shown his love for Émilie with gifts. Both wanted to please the other but they didn't speak the right language. They put in the effort and effort, but effort alone won't make the other person feel loved. It is time for Émilie and Pierre to learn a new language. Are you learning a foreign language? You may be getting lost in the difficulties of French conjugation or you may be having trouble with Latin variations, or even Spanish expressions. Truly ambitious students tackle multiple languages ​​and add a new one, like Mandarin. Learning and studying a foreign language can be difficult, but imagine growing up in a bilingual household – maybe that's already the case for you, lucky one. At that point, speaking two different languages ​​is as natural to you as breathing. Another possibility, imagine that instead of starting to learn Spanish in high school, you were in a language immersion program from kindergarten, with a teacher who spoke to you in Spanish for thirty minutes a day. Like a sponge, you would have absorbed the language and would be perfectly comfortable in both languages. Learning a language takes work, time and patience. You can't go to sleep with your head on a Spanish textbook and wake up thinking in español. In the same way, we must train our minds to speak the emotional languages ​​that are unfamiliar to us. We will not achieve this simply by telepathy with our loved one or by positive thinking. If we are not comfortable with love languages, our relationships will suffer, causing tension with those closest to us – whether they are our friends, our parents, our loved ones. brothers and sisters, our boyfriend, our mentors, our coaches, etc. You see where I'm going with this: little control, a lot of tension, a lot of control, little tension. It could be a permanent source of stress in your life or, on the contrary, an incredible opportunity to improve your relationships. It's time to learn a new language.

The five love languages

To summarize a book, you have to find the general idea, the thesis. Our teachers take us on real treasure hunts. I'll give it to you, cash, with Christmas garlands to show it off. I draw this thesis from all my years of counseling experience. In the next chapters, we will detail each of the five languages. Each of us has what I call a privileged language: a way of receiving and understanding attachment and affection that is deeply inscribed within us and that makes us feel truly and sincerely loved. One of these languages ​​always speaks to us more than the other four. We may be sensitive to all five languages ​​but if we are not spoken to in our preferred language, then we will not feel loved, even if the person used a combination of the other four. Whereas conversely, if someone uses our primary language effectively, the other languages ​​are just a bonus.

Choose the right language

Here's the difficulty: we naturally use our own language. That is, we express our love to others in the language that makes us feel loved. But if it's not their language, it won't have the same meaning for them as it does for us. It's a bit like the story of the traveler who arrives in a foreign country. He only speaks one language, his own, so to communicate with strangers (wait a minute... he's the foreigner!) he speaks very slowly and louder and louder, as if yelling would help him to communicate. It's a scene that is both so funny and so sad. In emotional communication, the same thing happens all the time. Let's say that your sister's main language is services rendered: she will constantly find creative ways to help you. She'll leave you the biggest slice of pizza, drop off your backpack and dirty things in the laundry room, stay up late at night to help you finish your science project. And if, during this time, your language is that of rewarding words, you will send him encouraging messages and praise his merits to your friends. You both love each other, but you don't speak the same language. Stop!